Random Steam Review 1 - Poker Night at the Inventory

So here I go in what I hope is a continuing series of game reviews. No scores, no politics, just a simple answer to the question, "Should I buy this?"

Let's kick things off with Telltale's crossover card game spectacular, Poker Night at the Inventory. It's a Texas Hold 'Em elimination tournament with some guest stars from radically different universes. The Heavy Weapons Guy represents Valve's Team Fortress 2, while the rest hail from Telltale episodic adventure games of their own. Tycho shows up from Penny Arcade fame, Sam from the Sam & Max series, and Strongbad from the popular Homestarrunner.com site. All four are fully-voiced, snarky poker nemeses, and must be run into bankruptcy immediately.

PNatI (snazzy acronym) is a simple, but polished, poker game. It is the Raisin' Cane's of video games; It does one thing, but does it extremely well and with a ton of charm. You, as the mysterious "Player," must sit down in a jazzy club with four questionable psychopaths, and proceed to fleece them out of their money. There's no crazy gimmicks, no arcade-style twists, no magical cards. It's just a game of poker, albeit with a torrent of commentary thrown in. It's a great game to relax with. You can kick back, play at a leisurely pace, and listen to the banter tossed around between the characters and yourself. Banter which, by the way, is both hilariously self-referential and totally inside for hardcore fans. Your fourth wall is not necessary.

Since it IS such a basic game, replayability may become a factor. Fortunately, the game comes with quite a few unlockables. New table and deck designs can be unlocked, as well as four items for use in Team Fortress 2 if you're keen on that game. If you like poker, and can stand playing game after game, you should be fine. It won't keep my attention for very long after I've unlocked everything, but considering the game is a paltry $4.99, you really can't go wrong.

VERDICT: Buy it. Go ahead. Treat yourself. It's cheaper than a six pack of beer, and lasts a hell of a lot longer.

Escalation

While the internet is all piss-and-fury with the news of Michael Bay's upcoming fuckery, I thought I should point out something. For the couple of people who somehow haven't found out, Bay is producing the new live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and has decided to greenlight a script that re-writes the turtles as aliens instead of mutants. I shouldn't need to go on, to explain why this is retarded.

But there is another concern of mine that this issue brings up. Something I feel is important, and ties in with the title of this post and the Joker-y picture above: Escalation.

If Hollywood is prepared to roll along with what could be drastic changes to a hugely successful franchise, what wouldn't they do? What golden calf is too sacred?

I'm thirty-two years old. The Ninja Turtles were part of my youth as much as He-Man and a shitload of dinosaur stuff. I am not a butt-hurt nerd complaining about my childhood being "raped." Fact is, this is just another episode in a long string of movies that Hollywood screenwriters won't get their fuckin' mitts off of. Not everything is bad. I'm not the typical internet cynic. Changes can be made in a property for a movie's sake. Nolan's Batman movies were entertaining as hell, and Watchmen was probably about as good as it could be made given the source material. I didn't shit on the X-Men movies because they didn't follow close to comic continuity. They didn't, they were all over the map. Spider-Man was also changed, and not counting the third movie, comic fans mostly enjoyed them. I understand changes have to be made from time to time for the film's sake. Wolverine in yellow spandex would look ridiculous in practice, and you don't have enough time in a movie to go through all of Ras Al' Ghul's back story AND tell the Batman origin. But the key to all of the comic-to-movie adaptations that were widely liked, is that the changes they made kept in the feel and flavor of the properties. Would Batman Begins have been so well received if his parents weren't killed, but instead were in an ancient clan of ninja? I understand if someone couldn't care less about the Ninja Turtles, but what if it were a property you were fond of? They could reboot Superman as a government experiment, the Looney Tunes as edgy high school youths, or The Crow as a romantic comedy. At some point, it has to become less of an adaptation of the original material, and more of a bastardization.

And through all this, Michael Bay says, "Settle down." He says the script is good and people will understand. He loves it. Problem was, the exact same thing was said about Transformers, and I don't remember any old Transformer fans salivating at his three abortions that were classified as cinema. He said to trust him, and some did. Maybe some aging geeks were sold on the fact that he got Peter Weller as Optimus. Either way, all three Transformers movies were colossal disappointments. The first was at most "meh," and the other two were the visual and auditory equivalents of an episode of "Will It Blend" where the aforementioned item is a live cat. The problems were so extensive, I would do this post a disservice by hijacking it with Transformers nonsense.

Point is, I don't WANT to trust you, Michael. You've led me down the wrong path before, with promises that it would be "really cool." I'm not going to sign petitions, or boycott theaters. I just simply won't see this if it does get made. I won't buy it, rent it, Redbox, Netflix, or pirate it. It's just not worth it. He'll see none of my money in conjunction with this horseshit. It's also not that I'm a salivating TMNT fan, ready to complain on message boards at the drop of a hat. It's that I don't support what's becoming a trend of Hollywood trying to cash in on nostalgic properties with little-to-no regard for the source material. Today the Ninja Turtles, but what tomorrow?