The Doctor Who Mega-Review! Episode 3 - The Forest of Fear

And they're off! Thanks to the help of the crazy old cave-woman, The Doctor and his companions have escaped the Cave of Skulls and are hauling ass through the forest in an attempt to get back to the TARDIS. The lead caveman, the one who thought he could make fire, is hot on their trail with his woman. Before he can get too close to The Doctor's crew, a mysterious unseen creature mauls him and leaves him for dead. Considering the budget for these older BBC shows were about twelve dollars, we never see the creature in question, but it does leave huge, Wolverine-like claw marks all over the dude. 

Barbara and Ian, trying to be decent human beings, go back to help the dumb savage. They tidy up his wounds and strike up a deal. They will teach the cavemen how to make fire, if the two will help them get back to the TARDIS. A couple of tubes of Neosporin later, the caveman is no longer on death's door and the group is ready to get the fuck out of Dodge.

But wait, the other cavemen! Rebel caveman and Prehistoric Will Ferrell decide to track those sonsabitches down. They're coming for you, Doc! CREDITS!

Episode 3: The Forest of Fear - 3.5 out of 5.

Pros:

Hilariously generic monster.

The Doctor being a giant douche.

The violent throwing of an old woman to the ground.

Cons:

Companions starting to get a little whiny.

Doctor is maybe a bit TOO hardcore? He was seemingly gonna brain that guy with a rock...

They could have totally gotten out by themselves. Cavemen are not known for their knot-tying skills.

The Doctor Who Mega-Review! Episode 2 - The Cave of Skulls

We pick back up with the good Doctor after the TARDIS has landed somewhere new. Turns out, somewhere new is ten thousand or so years in the past. Cavemen and shit, yo. 

A good bit of this episode is spent setting up the back story between the cavemen. One wants to make fire. Another one thinks he's full of it and demands to be leader. This is all in English, by the way, for reasons we'll find out later. The rebel caveman finds The Doctor in the middle of lighting his cigar, freaks out, and abducts him. Apparently, this old man can make fire from his fingers. And they need fire. On the list of primary things in a caveman's life, this is right up there with "Eat" and "Not Die."

Susan, Ian, and Barbara find The Doctor, trying to tell these primitive screwheads that without matches, he can't make fire. After the worst ambush in history, all four of them end up prisoners in the titular Cave of Skulls, so called because of the skulls. In it.

Overall, lots of mumbo-jumbo about how Klerg is best and Derp can make fire, and Klerg calls him on his bullshit. Surprisingly little Doctor action in this one, he's unconscious or not present for a good amount of time. He IS still "Old Man Doctor." Eccleston would have snap-kicked that caveman in the fuckin' throat and dusted off his jacket. But, I digress; Fire good, strangers bad. CREDITS!

Episode 2 - The Cave of Skulls - 2.5 out of 5

Pros:

Umm...awesome hair on those cavemen?

First mention of the "Doctor Who?" joke.

Crazy old cave-woman spouting prophecy.

Cons:

Most of the episode is cavemen-centric.

That one caveman who looks like Will Ferrell is distracting.

Not a single goddamned "Oooga" or "Booga."

The Doctor Who Mega-Review! Episode 1 - An Unearthly Child

As previously stated on this blog, I became a fan of Doctor Who somewhat recently. I wish I could say that I grew up watching it on the BBC in my younger years, but time and space deposited me incorrectly for that. It was the 2005 series, introducing Christopher Eccleston, that really introduced me to The Doctor and his adventures. Now, as I wait impatiently for the new season (Series 7, Matt Smith), I find myself wanting more of The Doctor and running low on options. After reading an informative post on Reddit, I've decided that I'm going to watch ALL the old Doctor Who episodes. All the ones that are still in existence, that is. 

So here begins the grand project. Pull up a comfy chair and pour yourself a bowl of Cookie Crisp. We're about to go old school up in this bitch.

Episode 1 - An Unearthly Child

A disclaimer first: These episodes were broadcast individually, and with separate titles, but many belong to a batch of story arcs. This is the first episode of the first arc, and premiered in November 1963. The Doctor was first portrayed by William Hartnell. He's the oldest looking incarnation, but the youngest from The Doctor's chronology. I know, time travel, it gets better.

Curious about one of their students, two teachers, Barbara and Ian, follow her home. This girl was weird, you see. She knew way too much about certain topics, like chemistry and history, but next to nothing about common sense modern things, such as how many shillings to a pound. It really got Barbara curious, and after doing a little recon, she discovers that Susan, the young girl, seems to have no real physical address. It's just an old, run-down warehouse. Fearing for the girl's safety, Barbara and Ian make with the breaking and entering after following Susan home. 

Inside the warehouse, the only thing of note is a large police box, a sort of telephone booth for back-in-the-day when you needed to call the coppers. Enter Susan's grandfather. He's a saucy old curmudgeon that basically tells them both to beat it. They suspect he's keeping Susan locked in the police box, and demand he open it. Barbara and Ian eventually push their way inside to discover a large, indescribable room inside the relatively small box. Susan and her grandfather explain that the police box is a ship called the TARDIS, and they are from another time and planet. Obviously, this goes over like crap to the two schoolteachers. They demand to be let out, but Susan's grandfather doesn't want them to blab their secret all over the place. After an argument about whether the teachers are trustworthy enough, Gramps is all like, "Sure, I'll let 'em leave... BAZINGA!" He throws the switch, activating the machine and induces a trippy sequence of lights and swirlies. 

When the acid finally wears off, Ian and Barbara are out cold on the floor and the TARDIS has materialized somewhere else. Somewhere barren. And then...a shadow! CREDITS!

Despite the culture shock of watching something in black and white from the early sixties, this still comes off well. But then again, I'm the kind of person who can watch old Twilight Zone episodes like crazy. As a fan of "Modern Who," I still don't feel out of place. The theme song is basically the same, the TARDIS makes the same noises, and The Doctor is eccentric and aloof as he should be. I like it, and fans like me owe it to themselves to see how everything started. Since this is a review as well, I guess I should come up with some arbitrary ratings system. It's not to tell you which ones to watch, but to keep them ranked in my head in order of awesomeness. For simplicity's sake, let's do a five-point scale and some Pros and Cons.

Episode 1: An Unearthly Child - 4 out of 5

Pros: 

William Hartnell is an awesome grump.

TARDIS is still familiar.

Cons:

Crappy quality (It's old...)

Good bit of exposition (but understandable).

Doctor What?

So in the course of the last month or so, I've continually plopped down in front of the TV to catch up on this "Doctor Who" thing people are raving about. I've read up on the subject, perused Wikipedia entries for hours, and put all other TV shows on the back burner.

Suffice to say, I'm on board.

Now, being a Doctor Who rookie, I had to start from a good jumping-on point. The beginning of the 2005 series is perfect for this. My first Doctor was Christopher Eccleston. While he was only there for one season, he did a great job of pulling me in and getting me attached to the character. He was strange and quirky, and absolutely believable when he threw down the gauntlet and pulled the bad-ass card. I had heard great things about David Tennant, but I wanted to reserve judgement until I saw him. After all, Eccleston was my Doctor! My doubts instantly faded as soon as Tennant's season started. He was a brilliant Doctor. One thing he did well was portray this great sadness behind most of his actions. There was a long history of tragedy in his eyes, and every time he had to make a hard decision, his pain was believable. I knew Tennant would end up leaving, but I put it out of my mind and enjoyed his time as The Doctor. So when Tennant regenerated into Matt Smith, I was legitimately bummed. Smith had a lot to live up to. Thankfully, he fit in well and ended up being a great Doctor in his own right.

The series has a great crew of writers, and I've found plenty of favorite moments across all of the new seasons. Some may criticize the show for its use of techno-babble and deus ex machina, but in the setting of Doctor Who, it feels fine to me. The series is so fantastical, I don't waste time commenting on how "that could never happen," or "that made no sense." It just somehow works.

Another thing I love is the writer's attention to continuity. Things that are done and said matter for many episodes to come. I like it when a show makes you pay attention, because usually, the payoff for it is pretty ingenious.

I've just finished with Season 5, and I'm about to try and catch up with the current episodes. Overall, I love the show. It's entertaining, funny, and has some genuine heart. The characterization is far above most on television. It just makes me feel like a kid again, and that is never bad.

ABIDE

-Dru